Exercise and Anorexia: Stand Tall Little Girl

Anorexia nervosa disorder affects millions of people each year, the majority of them teenagers, and 20% of sufferers die prematurely because of it. Hope Virgo, leading advocate for people with eating disorders and Author of ‘Stand Tall Little Girl’ shares her story about ‘Exercise and Anorexia’ how she turned her exercise obsession in to a healthy way to manage her recovery…

Exercise and Anorexia: How I turned my exercise obsession in to a healthy way to manage my recovery!

I developed anorexia when I was 13 years old hiding it from my friends and family for over four years before being admitted to a mental health hospital. I won’t ever forget that first day of admission. I stood there in the entrance to the hospital, tears streaming down my face, begging my Mum to give me one more chance. It was too late for that and little did I know that I would be spending the next year of my life battling to fight that voice in my head that had controlled me for so long. 

I had always been extremely sporty and exercised in a healthy, slightly competitive, way. I was in most sport teams at school and loved playing. But as anorexia took a hold of me, my love of exercise soon became an obsession. I exercised whenever I could, letting my days become dictated by when I could exercise. As my anorexia got worse, as the voice in my head got louder I felt the need to exercise even harder. I would often get to the end of the day and anorexia would tell me I hadn’t worked out enough. That voice would shout at me loudly, tell me how I wasn’t good enough and that if I didn’t start exercising now I might as well give up on life. I believed her, let her win and so would end up in my room doing whatever exercise I could. 

As I entered hospital that day part of me was relieved that I would be constantly watched. I was so fed up of having to exercise at all hours and I was so unhappy. Surely there had to be more to life than the way I was living?

Whilst exercise now keeps me well it has definitely been one of the hardest things to navigate in my recovery. As well as all the millions of healthy eating fads that seem to be everywhere! 

I have always had a passion for long distance running but having lived with an exercise obsession for so many years of my life it was something I knew I would have to (and still do at times) manage. 

I remember the first time I was allowed out for a 20 minute run with a nurse called Mandy. It was the best feeling in the world.  It was only a short run and we had to go quite slowly but the fresh air on my skin, my feet hitting the ground.At that point I couldn’t wait until I was going to be allowed out on my own to run. When I was in hospital one of the motivations I had given myself was to be able to run again and these 20 minute runs with Mandy fuelled that motivation. 

Two years after my discharge I had done a number of half marathons and managed to maintain my recovery throughout training. So I did what I had always wanted to do and entered the London Marathon. The truth is I probably hadn’t been well enough to do this. The weeks leading up to it I was wiped and by the time I got to the start line I was physically exhausted. I managed it round in just under four hours. But I had this nagging feeling – I was annoyed at myself for not training properly and not eating the right things when I was training. Exercise and A

I carried on doing half marathons for the next few years and then in 2014 decided I was in a better place and I was ready to try again.  And it was a success! I trained and ate properly and completed the Brighton Marathon in 3 hours 26. I couldn’t have been happier as I crossed that finish line. I had treated my body like a car that needed fuel and it had worked. I knew at that point then that eating to compliment my exercise is so important. Something that seems so easy to people without eating disorders but for those who have had or have a messy relationship with food it can be tough. 

I strongly believe that exercise is good for our mental health and it is 100% possible to exercise in a healthy way and navigate the complexities of it that are often presented to us. 

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What you have to do if you are worried is talk about it, voice those concerns and I guarantee it will help. For me something that has helped me stay on top of my exercise (especially when I am not training for anything in particular) was having a few sessions with a personal trainer. I learnt new exercises, the importance of not just doing cardio and the importance of eating well to compliment my exercise. 

My second challenge has been around healthy eating fads! The millions of magazines that quite literally dictate what you can and can’t eat. I get so frustrated when I walk in to a shop and you see the “best diet to lose 4 stone” or “don’t eat X and you will be the perfect shape” or he most recent “stick to a 100 calorie snacks”. When you have an eating disorder you lose all fun in eating, and throughout recovery food means different things. For me food has definitely changed over the last 10 years from an enemy, to calories that I had to have to now something that I can actually enjoy. These healthy eating fads take all the fun out of food and they can be really dangerous for someone who has had an eating disorder and for young people who may feel tempted to follow them.

Yes I do eat a healthy diet, but it is no longer restrictive. It is no longer something that I let dictate me. If one day I fancy what these healthy food fads call “naughty” I don’t stop myself having them. I let myself enjoy food and life. As long as we do everything in moderation it is good!! 

For me exercise now helps me stay well. Combining that with a healthy diet, it helps my mental health. I guarantee you can also get to this point if you keep fighting anorexia. 

Stand Tall Little Girl

Stand Tall Little Girl is the first book in Theinspirationalseries™, partner to Trigger Press’ innovative Pullingthetrigger® range. Theinspirationalseries™ promotes talking freely and without fear about mental Illness. Hope Virgo does exactly that in this first book of the series.

Stand Tall Little Girl by Hope Virgo, is available to buy online at triggerpublishing.com.

All proceeds from sales of these books support mental health charity The Shaw Mind Foundation!