Ah the Talking Stage, the greatest grey area of sex and relationships known to humankind. Are you an item? Are you in the friend zone? Will you ever meet? Who knows. But just when we thought it was difficult enough trying to navigate the subtleties of the Talking Stage at the best of times, now we’re hit with a double whammy: The Talking Stage During Lockdown. Will they get bored of you? Have you got competition? Do the normal rules apply or are all bets off? Here’s some tips to get you through lockdown and beyond.
Don’t turn a blind eye to red flags
The gyms are all closed which means heaps of men with zero personality are suddenly saturating all corners of the internet at once, the pubs (and hopefully gaffs) are on a break so the traditional weekend ritual of ‘U Up?’ enquiries can occur at any time of any day without warning, and fellas in relationships are turning rogue because they’re locked down in their Ma’s box room without their girlfriends.
You don’t have to entertain any of them, so keep an eye out for red flags. The bar is not that low, ladies.
Don’t put up with substandard convo
Just because everyone’s having to resort to strictly online dating, doesn’t mean you have to tolerate the dregs of Tinder, Shropshire dating, Twitter, or any other cyber fish in a barrel.
Once you’ve exhausted the preliminary pleasantries and established that yes you’ve both watched that crazy Tiger programme on Netflix, what is there really left to talk about?
“Wyd?”
“Nothing”
“Wyd tomorrow?”
“More nothing”
“Wyd at the weekend?”
“Avoiding death lol”
Refreshing conversation is just as important in an established relationship but now more than ever, if the quality of chat falls below par in the talking stage itself then there really is no hope. Time to dip.
Don’t be persuaded to meet up
If they’re genuinely interested in you they’ll wait until the end of lockdown. Absolutely nothing and nobody is worth putting yourself and others at risk, especially not some fanny hound who couldn’t keep his pecker in his bills for a few weeks. Besides, there’s nowhere to go right now, so “Dya wanna come go for a drive?” is even less appealing if it means a Police stop check to find out exactly what your ‘essential journey’ is for.
Do set boundaries about talking to other people during lockdown
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that you’re not supposed to enter the Talking Stage with more than one person at a time. That’s the way most people think anyway, but not all – and that’s why you need to set boundaries.
The game changer that is lockdown will evoke all kinds of genuine emotional reactions in people: anxiety, social isolation, FOMO (even though there’s nothing to miss out on) and in some cases a desperate attempt to line up as many people in their inbox as possible.
We already know that this lockdown is bringing exes and chancers out of the woodwork, and the odds are they’re all trying a scattergun approach to combat their own loneliness. You don’t need to be one of many who gives them the attention they crave though, so set boundaries that suit you.
Do evaluate post lockdown potential
Ask yourself if you see things going anywhere once the lockdown is lifted. Have you made any plans to go on a date? How keen do they sound? If you have any doubts then move along. Nobody needs to be strung along.
Or perhaps the shoe is on the other foot – ask yourself honestly whether you’re keen to meet with them when this is all over or are just using them for company. If that’s the case do the decent thing and stop wasting any more of their time.
Dating sites to check out if you’re bored of tinder;
Bella’s not like other mums – she’s a cool mum. If by ‘cool’ you mean addicted to carbs and dirty stories, with a special talent for doing the school run with yesterday’s knickers hanging out of the leg of her leopard print leggings. Writing about everything from taping your tits up with pot noodle lids, gag reflexes and how many people have stuck fingers up her bum (purely for professional reasons) she also has a cultured side: get on her for history, entertainment and social issues.
