Cuffing season: do I really fancy them or is it just cold outside?

‘Tis the season to get cuffed. Or, if you’re like me and think Cuffing Season sounds a little bit too much like gross police-themed bedroom roleplay, let’s put it another way: Short-term cosy winter link ups, with all the companionship and cuteness of coupledom over the festive season, only to be swerved in spring time.

That’s Cuffing Season for you.

What is Cuffing Season?

As Keats’s evocative season of mists and mellow fruitfulness approaches, the fresh chill in the autumn air as the golden crisp leaves cascade around us signals a change in human desires, and brings out a primal urge in all of us: turns out everyone wants someone to shag when it turns cold outside.

But not just any shag; turns out the ideal scenario for a lot of people is a seasonal arrangement, not unlike Next stock room staff or elves at a garden centre grotto, whereby you get all the benefits of your bog standard fuck buddy, but with added festive charm.

A temporary partner if you will, with extra marshmallows.

Thus was born Cuffing Season: a loan-only transfer window designed to pair up with someone you can just about tolerate and keep for yourself over the winter months, only to release back into the wild when the world thaws again and you’re feeling less needy for Baileys infused cuddles and got a life again.

What kind of f*ckery is this?

Wholesome or brutal? It’s hard to say. The whole concept of Cuffing Season is a bit ‘musical chairs’ isn’t it?

Circling buzzards waiting for the music to stop, keeping an eye on their intended target at all times. If you leave it too late, all the best chairs will be gone, or you might waste your time vying for a perfectly ordinary chair with another participant who is equally desperate to win one of the most humiliating and high stakes games known to humankind.

Cuffing Season is definitely not for everyone, and it’s a fine line between liking someone enough to hang out with them through the cold months (and make the effort to see them on those chilly nights when all you want to do is watch Netflix in bed on your own with a hot water bottle) and not liking them so much that you intend to keep them beyond spring time.

Of course, while the strict interpretation of the very much unwritten rules is that Cuffing Season is meant to lead to a temporary relationship only, there’s always the possibility that the arrangement might blossom into more which is both cute but opens up even more confusion at the same time.

Who to cuff this Cuffing Season

So how do you know if you really like someone, or if it’s just cold outside and Cuffing Season has crept up on you?

We’re navigating unchartered territory here: this choice requires more discernibility than a one night stand, but much less than choosing who to marry or (in a perfect world) who to have a kid with.

Honestly? You don’t. Cuffing Season isn’t about choosing the most perfect person out there, because Cuffing Season is by its very nature just a personal decision that you make to avoid being lonely.

It’s a selfish act that doesn’t happen organically; it merely requires a suitable and willing counterpart. Sounds unromantic I know, like a collaboration or business arrangement, but it also makes it a hell of a lot easier to rope someone into being your short term significant other.

Generally speaking though, a reasonable rule of thumb for a good Cuffing Season partner should be:

• They’ve got good conversation, after all there’ll be a lot of messaging over the winter months when you don’t fancy leaving the house in the cold
• They’ve got all the best streaming apps
• They make you laugh – because let’s face it you won’t be in the mood for sexting when you’ve just polished off that wheel of Christmas brie or finished the tub of celebrations
• They want to take you on at least some real life dates. There’s a world out there with cute festive shit in it, and if this person’s not going to take you anywhere then someone else will
• They’re not with, or talking to, anyone else. Cuffing Season is all about pairing up with someone in order to get the attention you crave over the winter period. So unlike your little sister’s bedroom when your Nan comes to stay, some things don’t need sharing this Christmas.
• They look fit in winter coats and hats
• They’re not on a tag or other curfew – because Christmas lights just don’t have the same effect in daylight hours

So if you’ve got your sights set on cuffing someone this winter, the last thing to do is ask yourself whether an arrangement like this is the best thing for you (and for them) by taking stock of the questions that really matter:

• Are you prepared for a short-term or even casual partnership and how do you feel about them potentially only wanting the same from you in return?
• If you’re both on the same page then there’s no reason why a winter fling can’t work.
• Is this person going to enhance your life this winter (and/or potentially beyond)?

Let’s face it, anyone can DM you night after night from the box room in their Mum’s house any time of year – where’s the trips to Winter Wonderland, Christmas markets, and cute hot chocolate dates? Make sure it’s worth your while (and that’s a year-round mantra!). Don’t waste each other’s time.

• Are you merely distracting yourself from other personal matters and using this person as a sticking plaster to avoid dealing with what’s really going on with you?

If you have unresolved healing to do then proceed with caution. Sometimes it’s better not to proceed at all. Don’t bury your head in the sand and delay your own emotional glow up; it’s not guaranteed to be any easier come new year or spring.

Happy cuffing season! x