Dear racist… Love Paula

Paula Rhone-Adrien, leading black female Barrister shares her thoughts on racism for Black history month. Read her story below or keep up to date with her journey on social media @familylawguruuk.

I’ve been meaning to drop you a line, but you know how life sometimes gets in the way. I haven’t seen you in awhile, but you have been popping up on my socials and news feeds a lot recently so I thought I would take sometime to tell you how I’ve been since we last met up a few weeks ago.

Do you remember, I was at that upmarket shop with a white male friend, you were there with another white colleague and even though the white male I was with looked like he had been camping out for the past month and I was dressed in my nifty sport/leisure wear, you served my friend and then turned to me and said that you weren’t taking any deliveries today. I know my friend and your work colleague were surprised and embarrassed at why you had assumed I was a delivery driver, but you didn’t even stay to talk, I guess you were busy and that’s why you turned your back on me and left.  

To be fair it was better than the last time we met up briefly and you called me a “stupid nigger” when you were driving along the Strand. At least I think it was you, it took less than a second, but by the time I looked up you were driving past. Well I assume it was you, because only you call me that and the other people crossing the road with me looked away when I looked at them. 

We’ve got so much history together haven’t we, and even when we don’t get to see each other, I always know you’re with me in spirit because people will say things like: “you would be so pretty if you weren’t black”; or “your hair is very messy (in braids!), clients wont like that”; or sometimes people have told me that I didn’t get jobs because of you, which is ridiculous because we have had discrimination laws in this country for the last 40 odd years, right?

I think the reason why you have been showing up on my feeds a lot recently is because the world is getting smaller and ultimately there really is more good than bad people around who are prepared to stand up for others. Were you surprised, when George Floyd was killed, that so many people around the world cared? To be honest I was. To be honest, I didn’t think anyone cared, but now I know that’s not true, I feel emboldened by this.

People are also prepared to educate themselves now, outside of the legislative curriculum and are becoming less anxious about asking questions or exploring topics of conversation that would have been considered taboo. For example, when a white child asked me why I was “brown”, the mother was not embarrassed, she didn’t shush her child, but allowed us to have the discussion. So whilst my fear of you is slowly eroding, I think the fear of being identified as one of you, is also being eroded, opening up the lines of communication between different communities that had been closed off before due to fear. 

So my fight for a world free from racism is now, not my fight alone. Those who previously identified themselves as “not a racist”, understand that they actually need to be more than that: they need to be “anti-racist”, and I suspect this is now making you feel anxious. 

So yes I appreciate I am seeing more of you at the moment, but I know it doesn’t mean it’s because you are winning, on the contrary, it means you are losing.

I know this will make you even angrier, which is dangerous in your confused state, but you should have learnt, after all these years, that hating me, or even killing my brothers was never going to make you happy. My pursuit of excellence, without hate, provides me with inner peace. When you are brave enough to confront your fears and loathing; when you are strong enough to dismiss the toxic distractions that fill your mind so that your own failings diminish, there will always be a place for you in my world.

Until then, I will continue to keep an eye out for you…

Lots of love

Paula