Dear Bella, I’ve always been anxious about going on top in case I do it wrong or it doesn’t feel good for my boyfriend. Do you have any cowgirl position tips? And do you have any tips that might help me to get over the anxiety?
In this guide:
Well well well, where do I start? Perhaps not by recommending a whole bottle of rosé which, although a quick win in the nerves department, probably wouldn’t be one of my better ideas.
Instead I’m gonna break this down and address the three important things you’ve highlighted in your question: your own anxiety, the logistics of the cowgirl position itself and how to ‘get it right’, and where your boyfriend fits in (literally) in all of this.
Cowgirl position: how you feel
There will always be some things that make us nervous.
A first date, public speaking, or getting your kit off in front of someone. That’s normal. However, you really should feel 100% comfortable with the person you’re sleeping with, so please make sure you are before worrying about the ins and outs (sorry) of getting on top.
You’re talking about your actual boyfriend here, not a fling. So, I’m gonna go right ahead and assume he makes you feel as comfortable in yourself as he can and should.
But perhaps you’re lacking in some self confidence? I want you to rewind a little bit. Put the ‘getting on top’ issue to one side for a minute, and ask yourself if there’s any room for improving your overall confidence in life.
You might find your nerves during cowgirl position disappear when you start to feel better about yourself as a whole.
Getting on top
There’s no right or wrong to ‘how’ you do things when it comes to sex. So I want you to put out of your mind any idea that you’ve got to look like a porn star doing the cowgirl position while you’re getting on top.
There are some things in life that never look good. Wrestling yourself into a sports bra. Rolling a wet swimming cossie off behind a precarious beach towel, and mounting an erect penis being some of them.
Take a little time to get your angles right during the cowgirl position, make sure you’ve got enough space and leverage to move up and down comfortably. And expect a few stops and starts to change angles.
After all, none of our bodies are identical so we have to take time to fit together with another person in the right way. Logistical ideas you could try include:
- Kneeling on just one knee
- Squatting if you’ve got thighs of steel
- Getting your partner to sit upright in a chair and holding onto the back of it or the headboard if you’re in bed
Feeling good – both of you
You’re worried about whether it’ll feel good for your boyfriend – trust me, it’s hardly going to feel awful. But the only way you’re going to know for sure is with open communication. Put his hands on your hips and ask him to show you what speed and angle feels good for him. Just make sure it feels good for you too otherwise what’s the point?
If you still don’t find yourself in a place where you’re comfortable getting on top then just don’t do it. Sex isn’t meant to be like that.
Read more of Bella’s sex and relationship advice.
Bella’s not like other mums – she’s a cool mum. If by ‘cool’ you mean addicted to carbs and dirty stories, with a special talent for doing the school run with yesterday’s knickers hanging out of the leg of her leopard print leggings. Writing about everything from taping your tits up with pot noodle lids, gag reflexes and how many people have stuck fingers up her bum (purely for professional reasons) she also has a cultured side: get on her for history, entertainment and social issues.
