Post Christmas Depression. Jesus; the big crucifix dwelling scumlord, has come and gone, and it’s time for 2019 – which as fate would have it is the Chinese year of the pig.
The pig you have started to morph into over the last few weeks while alcoholism and processed food have taken their toll on your gluttonous insides that is, and now you are so big and round you have started to float into the sky like a pretty pink balloon.
But guess what? What goes up must come down. And you will be plummeting to the ground and crashing into the depths of mental hell in no time when you have to go back to work.
Oh deary me indeed.
I call this period “post nativity depression” – because, as fucking depressing vanilla christmas can be for those of us who can’t take pictures of our new £7000 designer tees and jizz them all over instagram, post-Christmas is fifty times more depressing, and we all suffer together in that manger of despair we call life.
But you don’t have to follow the crowd and moan on Facebook about how sad and fat you are because you snorted gravy and gin for ten days straight, while engaging in sexual pleasantries with strangers of unsavoury bmi values do you? No way Jos(i)e.
No, this year we’re gonna get sorted once and for all. No more “new year, new me” bullshit – this fucking starts now. New year’s resolutions are for wankers; they go in one year and out the other year. And now i’ve got that joke out the way, let us begin in making you a fucking savage.
Stop blaming other people for your post Christmas depression and start feeding your lion
Come on, we’ve all done it, haven’t we; making excuses for ourselves and laying the blame at someone else’s feet. “Well it’s not my fault”, “well if you never”, “well if your mum didn’t wear that” – these are words muttered by the weak when they’re faced with a problem or a challenge that they can’t find an easy way around. And guess what? 99% of people are weak and want everything doing for them so they don’t have to face the consequences if things go wrong.
People think they can throw money at shit to make it easier; “oh, i’m gonna get a personal trainer to make me fit” – ok, good for you, Carol for a few weeks. But when your PT has shit to do and lets you down (or vice versa) how many times are you going to go to the gym or get up at 5am to run in the park in the cold on your own. Are you going to put yourself through hell to get the results you want and become your best self that you told all your haterz you would be?
Yes you fucking are. No more “oh i’ll do it tomorrow, there’s always tomorrow”. No. All you have is today.
We all have two cats inside of us; the lazy cat who lies round licking his balls waiting to be fed, or the hungry fucking Lion who goes out and eats hyenas and shit. Whichever one you feed gets bigger every day, so as soon as you wake up every morning you have a choice to either feed Simba and push yourself to be the best you can, or be a house cat and feed your inner pussy and keep making excuses. Tomorrow, make the choice to step out your comfort zone, even by doing one tiny thing you hate doing, and repeat every day. Thus bringing us to our next point…
Start building healthy habits
Habits are us, and we are an accumulation of our habits. It’s as simple as that. We are what we do repeatedly, so if you start building unhealthy habits you’ll see how much of a unhealthy person you become in a short space of time.
Snoozing the alarm? Bad habit.
Getting drunk and sending memes to your ex? Terrible habit.
Staying up late to watch true crime programs? Well, that’s acceptable if you don’t snooze your alarm the next day!
But how can we start building healthy habits into our daily routine? The best way is to introduce one or two small healthy daily habits a month, starting off with something as simple as getting up at half an hour earlier to get that run in, or meditating for ten minutes before you go to bed to zen your shit.
All those things that you always think about doing, but your internal house cat tells you it’s ok and you can “do it another time” (urgh!)
It takes around 30 consecutive days for our brains to register a habit as routine, so get yourself a habit tracker, (you can print them off for free) stick it up on your fridge and mark off every day you complete the habit. Seeing your progress on a daily basis will help you to stay motivated and you can set yourself healthy, beneficial rewards for the first 5, 10 and 20 days that you complete a habit consecutively and soon you will find yourself being that person you told yourself you was going to be when you were pissed at Christmas, fellating a turkey leg with the grace of a starved velociraptor.
That’s just a little starting point for you to get ahead of your inner house cat and be your best self going into 2K19 FTM.
Love you all, stop being gimps and get out there and smash 2019’s fucking head in.
Tra, A.J
”A creative blogger who aims to help others improve or escape reality with a unhealthy dose of ‘humour’.
If he’s not doing Brazilian jiu jitsu or eating things, Anthony can be found over at theshamanicscouser.wordpress.com or on instagram @theshamanicscouser
