It’s great having a boyfriend or girlfriend. You can go on dates with them, sleep with them, make plans together, have rows together, cheat on each other, break each other’s hearts… Well, maybe some aspects of having a partner are better than others, but there’s always going to be a point where you might wonder how to keep the romance alive in your relationship.
It doesn’t have to be a dramatic fight or devastating affair that has the potential to spell the start of the end for relationships either; sometimes things just get stale, or the bonds of even a loving and close relationship can start to loosen, then before you know it they’re just someone that you used to know.
If you don’t fancy the sound of that happening to you, or you get the feeling it’s happening to you right now and you want to reverse things before it’s too late, then you’ll be pleased to know there’s some super easy steps you can take right now to nurture the bond and connection between you and your partner. The best thing is that they will be loads of fun for both of you too!
Have more sex
Yeah, that’s right, I said it. And it seems obvious, doesn’t it? But there’s a reason why sex (especially with orgasm) is great for creating and maintaining a bond; your brain releases chemicals and hormones which, in a close consensual relationship, can:
- Promote stress relief
- Elevate desire for each other
- Increase affection between partners
Not only does the hormone oxytocin help to increase bonding between couples, it also makes the individuals less likely to seek sex elsewhere. What’s not to love?
Not feeling sexy at the moment or can’t find the time because of kids and work schedules? Sometimes health, tiredness and real life can get in the way of our sex lives. Don’t worry though, there’s still other ways to increase connection between you and your partner outside the bedroom…
Spice up your life
There is something familiar and safe about having a routine and doing the same things with your partner; after all, isn’t that exactly what we wanted when we got into a relationship – someone who we know where we stand with, and feel comfortable with?
But with familiarity comes monotony, and this can be a major contributor in relationship dissatisfaction, whether it’s something you’re acutely aware of or can’t quite put your finger on. When boredom creeps in, one or both partners can be tempted to seek the sensation of newness or entertainment elsewhere, beginning to spend more time with friends, going out more, or having affairs.
In amongst your routine, couples should try and spice things up a bit. No, it doesn’t have to be a swingers club unless that’s what you’re into, but you do have to reflect on how you spend most of your time when you’re together and identify something realistic that you’d both be up for, that is sufficiently new and different to you both.
You can still watch your favourite box sets together and still order your usual when you go out or order a takeaway. You don’t have to change everything you love about your lives together. But what is key to break the risk of monotony, is to inject an element of mystery into your lives. This triggers the ‘reward’ parts of our brains, as well as being a shared experience with your partner which makes us feel closer to them too.
Discover a new city together, try out a new activity, go to a new restaurant or make food you’ve never tasted before. Your brain will thank you for it, and it’ll contribute to forming a lasting connection with your partner.
Complete a physical challenge
Cuddling up on the couch together and long lies in is all well and good, but if you spend all your time together doing this then you might be missing out on the benefits that a physical challenge can bring to your relationship.
Rock climbing or cycling and running events can be great ways to achieve a challenge together, pushing yourselves as a couple to complete the course or reach peaks. Even just working out at the gym without a specific target in mind can get the endorphins going, through the shared experience of physical activity together.
But while challenging each other can be a fun and invigorating part of many relationships, think twice before going head to head with your partner in a physical challenge or sporting event – especially if your relationship isn’t in a good place right now – as this can actually have adverse effects on relationships…
Team work makes the dream work
Did you know that taking part in an activity on the same side as your partner increases connection between the two of you, but playing against each other actually decreases it?
Finding activities where you solve problems or overcome a challenge together rather than pit yourselves against each other is a great way to boost connection. It has the benefit of a shared experience, endorphins from your combined success, and as a result your brain decides that this is a person you can trust and feel safe with.
One of the best ways to get this fix only takes an hour: working together to break out of an escape room like Breakout Liverpool is proven to be great for team building, and what better team to work on building and strengthening than you and your partner?
Another option for working together is flexing your muscles as a power couple on a double date and competing against another pair, ensuring that you and your partner are on the same team. Whether it’s board games, crazy golf, or escape rooms, relationship bonds can be reinforced by being on the same side in all sorts of activities.
Feel the thrill
We’ve established by now that the human brain reacts in all kinds of crazy ways to our experiences, and none is more crazy than how it responds to thrills. Taking part in an exciting or risky activity with your partner (as in a perceived risk, not actual risk to life and limb) can do all sorts for your brain and help to build and maintain connections with your loved one.
Rollercoaster rides, scary films, hot air balloons (the most terrifying idea of all if you ask me), bungee jumping, and anything that feels thrilling to both of you will produce more of your feel good neurotransmitter, dopamine, which provides us with that sense of reward. Plus afterwards, once the perceived risk has died down, a big dose of good old oxytocin which promotes closeness.
And if that wasn’t enough, a 2003 study from researchers at Missouri University (Cindy Meston, PhD and Penny Frohlich, MA in fact) suggests that adrenaline rushes can increase how sexually desirable you and your partner find each other. Which brings us back nicely to the first of our 5 fun ways to create a long lasting connection with your partner.
Good luck and have fun – together!
Bella’s not like other mums – she’s a cool mum. If by ‘cool’ you mean addicted to carbs and dirty stories, with a special talent for doing the school run with yesterday’s knickers hanging out of the leg of her leopard print leggings. Writing about everything from taping your tits up with pot noodle lids, gag reflexes and how many people have stuck fingers up her bum (purely for professional reasons) she also has a cultured side: get on her for history, entertainment and social issues.
