Ted Mosby: The Ultimate Fuckboy

At some point in our lives, we have all been strung out by a Ted Mosby: a lad who claims to like you, but not enough to actually get into a relationship. A boy who claims to “not know what he wants” when really, what he wants is a girl to to fill the girlfriend role on the days he’s not out hitting on other women or sending dick pics to strangers on Tinder.

If you haven’t seen it, How I Met Your Mother kind of like a less PG Friends, but with Jason Segel. Perfect for those hungover days where all you want to do is lie in the couch in your underwear eating snacks. It’s boss – but you know how the more you watch Sex and the City the more you realise that Carrie Bradshaw is a dick? It’s the same with Ted Mosby. Not only is he pretentious and dull, but he’s also actually a bit of a dick to women – despite the series revolving around his search for ‘the one’. Let me elaborate:

Here’s why Ted Mosby is the worst

Sock-monkey girl

After breaking up with her via answer phone message on her birthday the first time round, he didn’t speak to the girl for two years. Then, in classic fuckboy style, he got it into his head he wanted her back and hounded her like a psychopath until she agreed to go out with him again. Only to split up with her again a couple of weeks later… on her birthday.

Victoria

While she was sending him parcels full of cupcakes all the way from Germany, he was cheating on her with Robin. (Side note: if someone is sending you cupcakes on the reg, wife or husband them up right away, you’ve struck gold.) When they met up a year or so later, he drove her – in her wedding dress – right past the chapel she was meant to get married in later that day, and basically asked her to bail it off for him. He later asked her to marry him, only to essentially choose Robin, who he’s cheated on her with before, over her the next day.

Stella

Now we’re all meant to hate Stella because she left him on their wedding day, but really, Stella never actually wanted to go out with Ted in the first place – he literally mithered her into it. He proposed after about a week, then expected her to move her and her child across the city into his 2 bed flat he shares with his mates. He also invited his ex, (you know, the one he keeps on cheating on other girls with) to the wedding despite Stella specifically asking him not to.

Robin

Let’s start with the fact he told her he LOVED HER on the first date.- if that’s not textbook fuckboy behaviour I don’t know what is. That said, Robin is probably the only woman throughout his dating life that Ted actually treats with a bit of respect… (provided we ignore that 1) he didn’t tell her he was still with Victoria before he cheated, and 2) he was actively keen to ruin her wedding day.) But still, Robin gets the good end of the stick with regards to Ted’s behaviour. Why? Because he’s strung out on her. Which is important to remember, ladies – for every girl that’s hung up on a lad who will never commit, there’s a fuckboy who’s secretly in love with a girl who, actually, thinks he’s a bit of a prick. And so the circle of life is complete.

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