When you first have a baby every Tom, Dick and Harry suddenly crawls out of the woodwork with advice for new mums.
Literally everyone, even people you barely knew had brains want to weigh in with their hot take on what you’re doing wrong and how you should be doing things differently. Usually, people are only trying to be helpful, but there’s nothing more stressful for a sleep deprived new mum than getting bombarded with unwanted opinions.
It’s not even just family and friends, you’ll also find that every midwife and health visitor that you come across will have their own, unique hot take on how things should be done when it comes to looking after a newborn.
To be honest, it can be really hard to keep your cool when people are literally throwing advice at you from all angles, but – in my experience – the best way to handle it is to simply nod, smile, then carry on doing whatever the fuck feels right for you!
After all, every baby is different and there really is no “right” way to be a mum – just don’t feed it chutney, vodka or amphetamines. Oh, and try not to swear in front of it so its first word isn’t ‘Fuck’.
But seriously, as a new mum myself there are the three pieces of advice for new mums that might actually help:
You’ll figure it out
Honestly you will.
Having a baby, especially when it’s your first child, throws life as you once knew it into chaos, and it can be hard to see the wood from the trees at first. But it gets easier – actually, that’s a lie. It doesn’t necessarily get easier but you get better!
It took until my little one was 19 weeks for me to finally turn a corner and realise that you absolutely don’t have to give up your whole life when you have kids, you just need to get organised. Yeah, things are a bit more complicated now – and nipping out for brunch sometimes needs a whole strategy behind it – but you can figure it out. Once I realised that, things got a lot easier.
The most important advice for new mums: you know your baby best
When you’re getting hit with advice from all angles, you’re going to have days where you feel like your sinking. Like you have no idea what you’re doing and IT SHOWS. This is normal, and you’re doing fine. And you really do know your baby best, even if it sometimes feels like you don’t even know yourself best. So, breathe, stop worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet and remember that you’ve got this.
Your baby sounds so much louder to you
Trust me, it’s science. When your baby is crying on public it sounds at least 10x louder to you than it does to everyone around you. So, stop stressing about upsetting people around you and relax, because frankly the tiny percentage of people who are actually up their own arse enough to get pissed off about a baby crying in a public place need to get out more.
So, the long and short of it is this; trust your instincts and keep your chin up, you’re doing a much better job than you think!
Jen is our resident wellness and features editor here at The Daily Struggle. You will probably find her on the beach, painting her house or writing about magick and motherhood.
