Vicki Anstey: Dealing with life’s daily struggles

I’m thrilled to be writing a monthly column for @dailystruggleuk and each month, I’ll be sharing some of the strategies that I use on a daily basis to train for general physical and mental preparedness. I do not believe that I am the most talented person out there, or even the strongest, fastest or fittest, but I do have an inner drive to be the best I can at whatever I do – and I never, ever give up whatever daily struggles you might come across.

Achievement doesn’t have to be constrained by talent – we all have it in us to succeed if we are driven to do so. Resilience, grit and determination are all traits that can be learned, developed and applied to aspects of our daily lives – whether you’re running a business, a home, a family or taking on an extreme challenge. Think of it like a kind of ‘ordinary magic’ that anyone can learn.

Training our bodies and minds to be at our best, when we are at our worst and unlocking our true genetic potential is when we really discover who we are and what we are capable of. Let me show you how…

What are your Daily Struggles?

Since participating on SAS Who Dares Wins, now more than ever, I encounter swathes of people who assume that everything in life for me (comparatively) is a walk in the park.

How can I complain about being cold on damp mornings at military bootcamp? Surely I don’t have any problem motivating myself to train? Business must be booming with all this wonderful publicity, so I can surely take a back seat? If I can lift a 90kg male adult and climb a snow hill, at altitude, with him on my back, deadlifting 100kgs is a breeze, right?

Wrong.

If I’ve learned anything from all the incredible comments and messages I’ve received from people over the past few months, it’s that EVERYONE has daily struggles. Even me.

Some of you have told me about dealing with physical pain on a daily basis, others have shared the burden of managing a family, being bullied at work, or feeling that any fitness you once had has been lost – and replaced by a feeling of being overweight and out of control.

I promise I can relate to each and every one of you. The first thing to realise (and accept) is that everyone has problems. Even those who appear to have their sh*t in order. Remember, social media portrays only the aspects of your life that you want to make public..so be careful what you believe. We all have moments of doubt, loss of control, fear, self-loathing and feeling inferior compared to others.

I want to share with you how I deal with my daily struggles, how I silence the doubting voices in my head – and crucially, how I break down seemingly insurmountable challenges to make them accessible and ‘do-able’…

1. Break your daily struggles down

Too often, we become consumed with the overall goal. To lose a lot of weight. To run a marathon. To set up a new business. To start a family.

And when we don’t achieve that quickly, we become disillusioned, demotivated and self-critical. So break it down into manageable chunks. Ditch one thing from your diet that you know is your downfall, but don’t boycott everything that gives you pleasure. Once you’ve got that under your belt, you can address other triggers like alcohol or sugar. But do it week, by week, even month by month. Get each behaviour change embedded in your lifestyle and routine before you attempt the next. It will not, and should not (for long-term success) happen overnight.  

If you’re training for a marathon or other big challenge, be really diligent about the early days of training, don’t tell yourself that you’ll catch up, or that those ‘easy’ stages don’t matter. They really do. This is how you set a really solid foundation for changing behaviour long-term. The devil really is in the detail.

2. Trust the process

Success rarely comes in straight lines. Usually we have small victories, followed by minor failures and so on until we eventually reach our goal. The difference between someone who succeeds and someone who does not, is how many times they are prepared to keep picking themselves up and going again.  So yes, keep your eye on the prize. But also remain firmly committed to simply putting one foot in front of the other, however long it takes. Those huge goals can often instil a deep sense of fear in us – enough to completely de-rail you, but you can push fear out by focusing on the RIGHT NOW.

3. Push your limits (get comfortable with the uncomfortable)

Find small, daily challenges to take you out of your comfort zone. Then start creating new benchmarks for what you can do.

Run for one extra block. Learn how to create your own website. Clear out your clutter by ruthlessly getting rid of things you haven’t used for 6 months. Discover that you can be cold and hungry – and still function (exercise in a fasted state occasionally). Up your steps from 6,000 to 8,000. Raise your heart rate for a little longer each day.

As soon as you have some new reference points for where and how you can exist – and even thrive, your potential will reach new levels. And that becomes a virtuous cycle. Enjoy the ride!

4. Don’t let comparison hold you back

Often we become consumed with comparing ourselves to others. Sometimes that can become suffocating and you give up, simply because you think you’re not good enough, or not as good as someone else. You do not have to be the best at something to succeed in it. And you may be surprised to find out (if you stick at something for long enough) that the person you thought would win out, doesn’t. Remember the hare and the tortoise? There’s a lot of truth in that fable. When I did SAS Who Dares Wins, the best advice I had was to play the ‘grey woman’. To settle myself in the middle somewhere and find my pace. To keep my head down and have confidence that I would make it. Don’t worry about those around you. Keep your head in YOUR game and focus on overcoming your own daily struggles.

5. Don’t write yourself off

“I’m too old/too overweight/too slow/too disorganised/too weak/too afraid….”  Sound familiar? We put barriers down in front of ourselves every day. We have already decided ‘we can’t’. Instead of focusing on your fear, allow yourself to think ‘what would I do if I weren’t afraid?’. No constraints (either self-imposed or imposed by others), financial, emotional, geographical, intellectual, physical – no boundaries at all. Make that seemingly impossible dream your goal. And even if it is the most unrealistic ambition imaginable, you might just

succeed in achieving a part of it – and the small victories you’ll make along the way will feel like accolades in themselves.

Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can. Never doubt what you are capable of.